Sunday, March 3, 2013

God has the roadmap, I'm just trying to follow it.

Last week I tried really hard to post. I took my computer to the coffee shop, I was listening to my favorite Christian songs, I had a great cup of coffee and I had my Bible. I had a few things I wanted to mention, but I couldn't put it into words. I sat there like a fool for an hour with a blank page. I would fill it up every once in a while and then select all of it just to delete it. It was another one of those moments where God was telling me, "not yet...something better will come of this." So, frustrated, I finished my coffee, put my headphones back in and walked home. An hour seemingly wasted, with no blog to share.

Then this week happened. God was right, I have something to post about.

Let me start by saying I have a great friend and mentor in my professor from my trip to Ghana, Dr. Andrea Arrington, the woman I speak of in this post. She has come to know me as someone who likes a plan, and reminds me that I don't always have to have one for the next 10 years. This week I went to her saying that I tried really hard just living in this semester and year for what it is. Her advice was to take classes I wanted to and not think too much about the future. That lasted about 6 months...then my planning mind got the best of me. I told her that and she laughed, she knows me too well.

God has been playing with my heart lately, putting a new idea of what my future holds in my head. Before this week I hadn't voiced it, because I didn't know if I had the courage to follow what He had planned. I had been asking people for prayers of courage to follow Him, but I hadn't found that courage...not yet.

I finally said it out loud to Dr. A. I wasn't sure the path I was taking to become a school social worker was the right one anymore. I wasn't sure it would allow me to utilize my African Studies minor the way I want to. I wasn't sure going straight into grad school is right for me. I was scared that by doing so, my trip to Ghana was going to be that one time I went to Africa, not the first time. I was scared that it would be too hard to change my focus this late in the game though, that I should just keep going with at-risk education because that was what I had been doing for the past 3 years. I have opportunities lined up in that area, I have a heart for it. What God and what Dr. A reminded me though, was that I also have a heart for Africa. As cliche as that sounds, had I not gone to Ghana last summer I would not have discovered how many opportunities are out there for me to stay connected to Africa.

So I made a change of heart. I listened to God. I talked with my mom that day, the best mom in the world, and told her about my scary realization. It was scary for me because it strayed away from any plan I had previously made for myself. My mom reminded me though that God has His arms wrapped around me. As scary as this new plan is, He won't let me fall. If I had this feeling on my heart, He put it there for a reason. She reminded me that I'm not giving up on at-risk education/social work, that opportunity will always be around. I am simply listening to God's voice.

After some tears, and lots of talking it out, I am taking off on a new direction. I'm not 100% sure what direction that is but one of my favorite quotes- "If you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there." The road I was on was taking me to at-risk school social work, the road I am on now is headed towards international social work. God has the roadmap, I'm just trying to follow it.

Thank you Dr. A, mom, and dad for getting me to voice what God placed on my heart.


  1. How awesome what does the first road sign say? Do you have to turn or keep going straight? Will this cause much of a detour?

    Please keep me posted on where you are.... thank you for sharing your internal struggles and for being such a wonderful role model of trusting GOD and listening to your heart.
    XO's Aunt Alice

  2. Your mom pointed me to your blog when they were here last weekend, and I can't believe I hadn't been reading before!

    One of the best things about Social Work is that you can reinvent yourself 1000 times and still be on course. I"m 46 and I still wake up every day and think about what direction I want to go in and how many different things I want to do. Whatever direction you are going in, is the right one. How awesome is that? So glad you are finding so much inspiration in your choices.