Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Last week I went to Mass and the homily was about being a good Steward of Christ and trusting God...Exactly what this blog is about, right? One idea made me perk up, this idea of vulnerability. Anyone who knows me, knows I like to be put together, because when I'm undone, I feel like I've lost it, I'm completely exposed for the world to critique me.
Admittedly, there are VERY few people I have allowed myself to be vulnerable around. The idea of it scares me. Why would anyone want to be around a girl who doesn't have everything put together? I have also learned that there is a difference between being put together and packing my issues away. I used to 'give things up to God' thinking I was taking care of those issues, maintaining my put-togetherness, but I was just ignoring them. That was the unhealthy Abby, the one who broke down without anyone knowing at times, the one who took on everyone else's problems because she had 'handeld' hers.
The priest last Sunday talked about the difference between believing and make believing. For a while, I was make believing...to myself and everyone that I was okay. I wasn't actually trusting God. I wasn't confident He would nor would want to take care of my problems. Now, I have come a long way from that Abby. I am actually believing in Christ and His word rather than make-believing. I am believing in His promise of a fulfilling life. It is still a struggle obviously, I still hate being vulnerable.
Vulnerability is what God wants from us. He wants us to be completely open to Him in order to know Him completely. He asks us to let go of our so-called control of our own lives so He can follow through with His promise of taking care of us. If we show God our struggles, He can show us answers. We must have faith that He has those answers.
Steward: A Steward is an official who is appointed by the legal ruling monarch to represent them in a country...
We are asked as Christians to be Stewards of Christ. We are asked to share our lessons from Christ with others in the hope of enriching the lives of others. If anything I said above is true, being a steward requires being able to be vulnerable around Christ and teaching that to others. The priest said in his homily "Stewardship is about taking care. It demands serious and sober honesty with our authentic self." My authentic self isn't the one who has everything put together, she is the one working through her problems, having faith that they will be resolved by working with Christ. Not just 'giving them up to God.' A good steward is appointed because they are a valid representation of the ruling of their leader.
I want to be a good Steward, I want to show God's love to everyone around me. In order to do this I must do something scary; I must be vulnerable.