Monday, February 4, 2013

We are His portion and He is our prize

The semester is in full swing! This is by far my busiest semester yet, with harder classes, work, being the stage manager of a play (yup, for the African and African Studies comes out on April 6 & 7, see you then!) and trying to be more involved socially, its hard to find time for a break! I have to say I enjoy it though, I would much rather be busy that bored. One thing I am having difficulty with though is finding time to read my Bible and take some personal time with God. I find myself talking to God a lot, asking Him questions and such, but I haven't seemed to listen as much as I have in the past.

I went to a new church yesterday with my roommate from Freshman year, Liz, and got a good serving of God. An hour or so of worship with song and prayer is what I needed and her church gave me just that. It was very different from the Catholic church, but still very beneficial.

It's funny how God knows all of the little associations I make when it comes to Bible verses and songs. For example, the song "How He Loves" will ALWAYS remind me of my time at Timber Wolf Lake as a Summer Staffer, and Hillsong's "I'll Stand" will immediately make me open my arms, stand, and pray for Him to live without fear of His timing. Those two songs played at yesterday's service and really got to me.

When "How He Loves" began to play all I could do was smile and sing along. My Summer Staff family and Young Life in general has been on my mind lately so hearing that song really made me feel like God has been listening. He knows what's on my heart, and let me know that it is there for a reason.

This winter I applied for an internship with a Young Life camp and unfortunately did not get it. I was a little heart broken. How could they not want me? What am I going to do with my summer? I thought this was in God's plan, how could it not be? I I haven't been as involved in Young Life here as much as I would have thought I would be and sometimes that bothers me. However, I do know that God has reminded me before and maybe again yesterday, "not yet". There will come a time when I am ready to go back to Young Life, to serve high school kids in a way that so many people have served me, but maybe I'm not in a place right now that makes me ready to. I know I will never have my faith 100% figured out, who would want that? But maybe God is having me hold off for something.

I am still learning from my experience with Summer Staff a couple years ago, and God reminded me of that with yesterday's song. As much as it hurts thinking I won't be spending my time at a camp this summer, it has to be for good reason. God has something planned for me to grow, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11) All I have to do is keep living a life geared towards Him and I will learn step by step what that plan is.

Hillsong's song at yesterday's service reinforced the notion that I have to trust His timing, not to fear it won't happen and make my own plans. The plans I make my self cannot ever compare with the plans He has in mind for me. We all struggle with delayed gratification, and trusting His timing is the ultimate test, but it is worth it.

I still have no idea what I am going to do with my summer, and it scares me to no end. If anyone has a job opportunity for a soon to be Senior Psychology, Social Work, and African and African American Studies student, let me know! (I'm serious...I would love a suggestion!) In the mean time, I will be continuing to try and listen more to see if God is going to reveal the next part of His plan for me.

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