You're going to GHANA? Sunscreen, sunscreen, sunscreen!

***I tried REALLY hard to have a cup of coffee in my hand for this post, really, I did. I made a great cup of coffee around 4 intending to sit down with it and blog but my 'free wifi' at my apartment here in Fayetteville decided that it wasn't a good time for me to use it so I couldn't blog. I get what I (my parents) pay for I guess. What is important is that I am now able to blog after a couple weeks of not doing so!***

I am sure most of you know that I am going to Ghana in a couple weeks. The more people I tell, the more surprised they get. My teachers from high school couldn't believe it, my friend's parents were beyond surprised, and the more I tell it to people the more nervous I get! It's getting so close to my trip I am starting to worry! Of course I have been praying for my safety and asking others to pray for my safety. Going abroad without parents is a scary thing. The thought of going to Africa as pale as I am is even scarier. The title of this post has been a common response to me revealing that I am going to Africa, as I expected. Sunburns for me are no joke, my friends can tell you I have got a great routine down for not getting burnt. Let's hope that carries over to Ghanaian sun!

Sunscreen jokes aside, I am still very nervous about going to a 3rd world country as a white, well off, American. The thought of being pick-pocketed is a concern, the idea of trying new foods that wouldn't meet restaurant regulation in America is another. I'm not exactly "roughing it" as some people think when they hear I'm going to Ghana, I'm staying in hotels and resorts, but they don't exactly fit the US definition of 'hotel' and 'resort'.

I started (and just finished) reading Francis Chan's book Crazy Love towards the end of my semester, I have been wanting to read it for a while, especially since I saw him speak in Atlanta this past Winter and I was finally able to do so. Last night, I came across a section that I know was targeted at me, I just know it. The chapter was about obsession, the section was about our obsession with safety. Chan writes that when we pray to God something along the lines of-please keep me safe in my travels, and let me return home safely, we have "elevated safety to the neglect of whatever God's best is..."

What an incredible thought. This was such a needed realization that came at the right time for me. I have been praying for the Lord to keep me safe thinking that should be His will, what could be above my safety? But Chan challenges me, and all others who have fallen short of asking God to follow through with His will before our own, to ask God to bring us closer to Him. If that means risking our safety, shouldn't we sacrifice a little?

I'm not saying that I'm going to neglect my safety or my well being by not bringing sunscreen, or eating raw food, but who am I to ask God to put safety at the top of His predetermined list of things to do for me? It works in more situations than travel. Sometimes God has put me in a situation where I was scared, or I didn't know what was coming next, maybe not the safest  of all situations but that meant that I leaned more and more on Him, and His timing. This is His goal. For me to rely so heavily on His plans that asking Him for safety wouldn't even cross my mind. I should know that a little risk is worth having Him to back me up, keep me going. He knows what is best.

So as I get ready for Ghana, please keep me in your prayers. And as you pray, I would hope that my safety isn't your first or biggest concern. God has that covered. I would love for you to pray that I continue my journey with Christ through this trip to Africa and I rely more on Him than I ever have before.

"Citizens of Heaven"

The following is a piece written by a non-believer about Christians. It is anonymous and we read it at camp a couple years ago. It is what I try and live by. Take time to read it all the way through, I'll share my thoughts at the end!

"For Christians are not differentiated from other people by country, language or customs; you see, they do not live in cities of their own, or speak some strange dialect or have some peculiar lifestyle...THey live in both Greek and foreign cities, wherever chance has put them. They follow local customs in clothing, food, and other aspects of life. But at the same time, they demonstrate to us the wonderful and certainly unusual form of their own citizenship. They live in their own native lands, but as aliens; as citizens they share all things with others; but like aliens, suffer all things. Every foreign country is to them as their native country, and every native land as a foreign country. They marry and have children just like everyone else; but they do not kill unwanted babies. They offer a shared table, not a shared bed. They are present "in the flesh" but they do not live "according to the flesh." They are passing their days on earth, but are citizens of heaven. They obey the appointed laws, and go beyond the laws in their own lives. They love everyone, but are persecuted by all. They are unknown and condemned; they are put to death and gain life. They are poor and yet make many rich. They are short of everything and yet have plenty of all things. They are dishonored and yet gain glory through dishonor. Their names are blackened and yet they are cleared.. They are mocked and bless in return. They are treated outrageously and behave respectfully to others. When they do good, they are punished as evildoers; when punished, they rejoice as if being given a new life. They are attacked by Jews as aliens, and are persecuted by the Greeks; yet those who hate them cannot give any reason for their hostility. To put it simply- the soul is to the body as Christians are to the world. The soul is spread through all parts of the body and Christians through all the cities of the world. The soul is in the body but not of the body; Christians are in the world but not of the world." 

Wow...what high expectations huh?? Like I said before I got this letter in print from my 'boss' at camp when I was there as a server in high school. From the context it seems to be pretty old, speaking of Jews and Greeks, but stands the test of time as it can be applied to the present day. Being in this world but not of this world is a very hard thing to do, and I know I, and probably every other person has fallen short in doing so because we are well...human.

God has promised that "all who believe in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life." (John 3:16) That's great! It doesn't matter the sins that we have committed or are going to commit, as long as we live knowing that Jesus is the son of God, we will be citizens of heaven in the end. What a lot of people do, myself included, is think, "well if I'm going to be forgiven for this sin, it's ok to do it, as long as I know that it's a sin." Well is that really being a Christian? Shouldn't we be striving for perfection? Now we all know that there is no such thing as the perfect person, we all sin, but we should be always wanting to live a Christian life, meaning avoiding sin when we can. To be in this world but trying your darndest not to  commit worldly sins should be the goal of any Christian.

Like I said before, I have fallen short of being in the world and not of the world, and I know it will happen again, because I'm human. But trying to always improve, always live in a way where if someone were to meet me, they would know I'm Christian-that's the life I want. Despite my sins and despite my shortcomings, I hope that all who meet and know me, know me as a Christian. It takes more than wearing a cross around your neck to be a Christian, and I'm going to try and do that.

My Achilles' heel

My biggest fear: snapping my achilles' tendon. I know that sounds silly but it truly is. You know if it does snap it retracts back into your calf???

Alright, enough anatomy, I don't like thinking about it anyway. The reason I brought it up was the fact that I have NO idea where my super human strength/speed comes from when my friends play on my irrational fear. I swear, whenever one of my friends tries to grab my heel or walks too close behind me because they know it gives me anxiety that they might 'accidentally' step on my heel, I have such a strong reaction/reflex that I, myself, am surprised.

Why bring this up? Because I have found this is the perfect metaphor for 2 Corinthians 12:10- "That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

This verse used to confuse me, I heard it but I never looked into the Bible for the context. Now that I have, it makes so much sense! We have hardships and persecution in our life. The good news is, we also have God. And God said, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Cor. 12:9) Perfect. His power is perfect. God places hardships in our life as a test, to see if we can let His light shine through the darkness. Like I have said in past posts, God doesn't promise an easy life because we have to proactively choose God. We couldn't just have perfection handed to us.

So back to Achilles. My ultimate weakness. Just as my strength is shown when my weakness is tested by my friends, God's strength shines through when the world tests me. I get this superhuman strength when I least expect it in both situations. When I think the world is against me or when I think it might be ending something happens to keep me going. I have to give it all to God in order to reap the benefits. At times that seems impossible, but in situations where there's no time to think, just react, I hope I can react in a way that points me to God.

He keeps my soul safe, I keep my heels safe. We're even right?

37 days and counting...(not including Sundays!)

Update on the no make up for 40 days:

As Easter approaches, I am realizing more and more how much I relied on make-up to feel, well...pretty. I have such a great support system with my mother telling me all the time how beautiful I am, my grandma telling me she loves my fair skin and friends telling me that I can pull the whole "no make up thing" off when we go out. But I gotta tell you, I still relied too much on make-up to look presentable.

During the week days I think it was much easier to deal with. I normally just roll out of bed, with only enough time to make a cup of coffee before I have to leave for class so I never really missed having to take 5 extra minutes to apply foundation and mascara. (Those 5 extra minutes were spent in bed by the way!) What has really gotten to me is preparing to go out on the weekends.

The first weekend of Lent, I could have cried. I know it's ridiculous to think that but truly, I think any girl knows that the thought of going out into the world with out a drop of make up when EVERY other girl around you has beautiful make up on is a terrifying thing. Even if it is just foundation, with out it, all of your imperfections are exposed. I spent extra time with my hair and what I was going to wear out but I just hated that I couldn't put some mascara on to brighten up my eyes.

After that weekend I kinda realized it just didn't even matter. I wasn't looked at strange for not having make up on, people didn't ask me about it, they still acted the same with me. Why did I think that it would be different?? I'm not the kind of girl that can't be seen with out make up on but I still had similar thoughts on the matter.

Our society tells us that we NEED bright eyes. That having a perfectly even skin tone is necessary. It tells us that our lips need to be shiny and our eyebrows perfectly shaped. But why? God made me the way HE wanted me to look. He provided me with the tools to feel beautiful and with make-up I try so hard to change those. No matter how much I try and convince myself that I'm just "enhancing" my beauty, I'm changing it.

I can't say that I won't ever wear make up again, because I will. What I am saying is I have much more of an appreciation for my 'natural beauty'. I have worked up the confidence to be ok with out make up. Heck, if someone has a problem with me not wearing mascara, I'm sorry but I don't really want to talk to them! I learned just what I set out to when Lent started. I have found beauty in myself the way I didn't think I could.

All you girls out there, I urge you to go a week without make up. It's really eye opening.

Finding comfort in the uncomfortable

"But I don't want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin."-The Savage

Who knew I would actually enjoy one of the readings I had for my ethics class?? Last night at work I was doing my homework at my desk...usual...and I came across this quote. For anyone who hasn't read the novel "Brave New World" by Aldous Huxley, don't worry, I haven't either. Just an excerpt from it it entitled, "The Utilitarian Social Engineer and the Savage" It is a story about a man, the Savage, who challenges this 'big brother' type of government that challenges the idea of needing any sort of religion because it creates discontent and eliminates the possibility for a sort of Utopia.

So maybe I'm bad at explaining the reading, I'll get back to you once I get the summary from my professor tomorrow! The idea that religion creates controversy is all around us. But is that so bad? The Bible tells us that life won't be easy(John 16:33) and that is just what this quote is saying. The Savage rejects the opportunity to live a perfectly happy life in order to have religion in his life.

But what makes it ok that sin exists, that fear and discomfort exist, is the fact that God has forgiven us for our sins. And the idea that God allows certain things to happen so we can learn from them. Some of life's greatest moments come from it's hardest ones.

My life hasn't been easy. Far from it. But not one point in my life would I trade for a perfect moment if that meant I had to give up my faith. What I learn from death, rejection, divorce, fights with friends, any hardship I have had or will have, is what makes life worth living. Like the Savage said, I want freedom, I want real danger because that is when I learn the most. I'm not saying I want to jump off a cliff and see what happens, but putting myself in new, uncomfortable situations might be just what I need. I can develop my faith through the unknown.

I don't have any specific Bible verse at this point to give you, I don't think I would even know what "genre" of a verse I would give you because this comes from my heart(cheesy I know). But truly, as a woman of faith, I know that situations where I risk messing up, I risk sin or discomfort, are what will bring me closer to my God who loves me despite my sins.

I'm not sure if this was how I was supposed to analyze my Ethics homework...especially since the reading was about 15 pages and this was just one sentence towards the end of the passage. I urge whoever is reading this though, to try and live through the discomfort, through the danger and freedom to a better life. A Christ-like life. It'd be hard to say no to a "perfectly happy" life if someone offered it to me like what happened to the Savage(fictional story let me remind you) but I would have to politely reject it. There is no satisfaction in having happiness handed to you. It's your experiences that create happiness...you know the saying "happiness isn't a destination, it's a journey" applies here. That journey has its trials as well, but no doubt guarantees happiness as well.

If you get a chance, this is the excerpt I read from my Ethics book. It's chapter's 15-17, a little bit of a long read but if you find yourself absolutely confused by my description go ahead and give it a read. It will be worth it.

All Sinners Welcome

When I go home I'm definitely spoiled. Mom and Dad love to cook dinner(or even take me out to a nice restaurant that a typical college kid couldn't afford), my bed has clean sheets when I come home, I get to just lay around and not do much. But when I talk about being spoiled, I'm really talking about my church. If you haven't been to Washington University's catholic church, you really should go.

While on Spring Break this past week I went to church. My parents were out of town and Kelley and Maggie were busy with something else, so I put on a dress, hopped in my car and drove myself to church. I love to get there a little early and just watch. Sometimes the Catholic church is pegged as quiet, formal, and uptight, but the Newman center is anything but that. Sometimes it's hard to hear those with mics on because of everyone is talking to everyone. Each Sunday there is a Gospel question, last week's was "What is the worst thing you have ever done?" Well that shut us all up fast...

Father Gary started out his homily by saying to all of us, "you should be ashamed of yourself." But he turned it around by asking us if anyone has ever told us that, and if they have, they were wrong. Then he pointed out there was a sign that we all walked under to get into the church that says, "All Sinners Welcome". He had me hooked at this point. I was buying whatever he was saying because it was EXACTLY what I think the Catholic Church/any Christian organization should be. Father Gary was speaking about what I was here. We as humans aren't here to judge. We have all sinned, there's no doubting that. We are here to love. (1 Peter 4:8, Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins)

Gary spoke about shame being toxic to your soul, something I talked about here. Being ashamed makes you feel like something is wrong or bad about what you have done as a person. There should be no shame if everyone is a sinner. "There is a difference between shame and healthy guilt" Just because we sin, doesn't mean that we are meant to hide from the world, or the church. Our sin does not define us. What I think is great about Father Gary's homily is that he talks about his church WELCOMING sinners. Just what a church needs to do, welcome those that have sinned because if they didn't no one would be there to sit in their pews or even to give a homily.

What we do when we leave those pews is what counts. If we strive to change the path we once were on, THEN we can be without guilt for past sins.

Listenin' to that Jesus Music

Yesterday I was on my way back from campus and decided to check my mail. I'll admit, I know I don't get enough mail to check it everyday, but I always do in hopes that someday I'll get something. Well, yesterday was the day! It was my CD with all the music from the Passion conference that I went to this Winter Break.

I got so excited I tried to tear the cardboard appart, not even seeing the "tear here" sign on the back of it and once I got it out of the cardboard there was that pesky plastic cover that no one can ever get off...at this point I was yelling at the CD because all I wanted to do was put it in my computer and listen to the songs! Finally, I got it open, and was able to listen and man was it worth all the frustration of opening it!

For those of you that don't know what Passion is, it is a conference of college kids(there was about 45,000 this year) that come together for a couple days to listen to speakers from all over and of course music from a handful of bands. I loved it. I advise everyone who can to go to Passion 2013!

Anyway, what really got to me about the CD coming in the mail were the memories from Passion. I was blessed with the ability to go to this conference and reunite with some wonderful folks I met while working at a Young Life camp this past summer. I loved that I kind of got a second chance for these people to see who I really was. If you know me, you know that I LOVE talking about you and your questions but hate having it turned around on me! I was guilty of that this summer, I think I got to know a lot of the people from camp but I realized once I left that they didn't know much about me. So Passion gave me a second chance to open up, to be me. And that's what I did.

Lacrae, a Christian Rapper(and a good one at that) was at the conference and he is very adamant about living life unashamed of the gospel. That got to me. Not that I was afraid by any means to share my faith or declare that I'm a Christian, which some people unfortunately are, but I wasn't doing much more to declare it than by wearing a cross around my neck. I wouldn't listen to Christian music in my car because I didn't want non Christian people to judge me for listening to "that Jesus music". Until recently, I didn't read my Bible in public because I didn't want to deal with the faces I would get in my direction. But why? Why did I limit myself so much?

As Lacrae declares in his music, on his clothing and in his words, Romans 1:16 says, "For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile."

What I had been hiding, what I had been keeping to myself, is exactly what will save me. Why should I be ashamed of that? If nothing else, Passion taught me this; do not be ashamed of the one Being that will save you. I used to keep that part of my life private because I didn't want to intrude on anyone else's opinion or beliefs. But what if there is a person that is searching for someone to help them believe? Could I be that person? Same goes with why I keep a lot of my personal life private to those I love. I don't want to bother anyone with my "silly" problems. But who knows if there is someone out there struggling over the same thing? So I really tried to open up at Passion, tried to give myself fully to the Lord and open myself completely to those surrounding me.

You can find me blaring "that Jesus music" in my car, and reading my Bible at work(after finishing my homework of course!) because I will not be ashamed. My faith, which brings me so much joy, will save me one day. It really saves me every day, why did I ever think I needed to keep that to myself?