Happy 2013!

Happy 2013 everyone! Sorry it has been so long since I have posted, lots of things have happened since my last post, but I haven't seemed to find the time to write about them. I'm back at school with a little bit of free time so I hope I can wrap up all that God has done for me the past month or so!

Well, my sister Kelley got engaged over break...that's pretty darn exciting! My family and I knew when it was happening but had to keep it a secret of course and let me tell you, it was hard. If you ever want a test of willpower, try living with someone you know is about to experience such an exciting time of their life, but they have no clue and you can't be the one to tell them! Matt (the fiance) has said before he was waiting for his name to appear in this blog so I guess there wouldn't be a better time then now to mention him! He is a great guy, not only am I excited to have a fellow redhead in the family, but I am excited for him specifically to be my brother-in-law. He makes Kelley so happy and that is all a sister can ask for, really. As a Christian I live to serve others, and to delight in their happiness. Matt has allowed me to delight in both his and Kelley's happiness and I love the idea of having another person added to the family. I'm sure my dad is happy to have an actual guy in the family and not just male dogs! I cannot wait to see how this wedding and more importantly marriage turns out, if it is any reflection of the marriage between my mom and dad, and from what I have seen of Matt's parents, Kelley and Matt will be blessed for the rest of their life. 

More exciting news in the family...Maggie has sold a million dollars worth of houses! I am reminded today of that success today from the cup that holds my coffee, it was a Christmas gift that has her company's logo on it! Go Keller Williams!

It is such a joy seeing both my sisters being successful in their lives. I have nothing but praises to God regarding my family this year and that is more than I could ever ask for!

Okay, moving past my family. Normally I have a list of New Year's resolutions ready by the time January 1 comes along, but this year I didn't. Last year I had two big resolutions. The first was to get in shape (along with what seems like the rest of the world) before I went to Ghana. I wanted to be able to keep up with the long days I knew I would face and more than that just be confident in my ability to live a healthy lifestyle. I think I had accomplished that by the time I went to Ghana and continue to practice that healthy lifestyle today. Another resolution was to take risks. I make this resolution every year to push myself to do things out of my comfort zone...in a positive way! I think I accomplished that more than ever this past year! Who knew I would go to Africa, declare two new minors my Junior year, get a tattoo that I couldn't be happier with and continue to dive into my faith without knowing where it will take me. I think the biggest risk of all this year is relying on God more than ever to lead me everywhere, not just in one aspect of my life, but in all. 

This year however, I am struggling to find a New Year's resolution other than to continue to take risks. Until today it bothered me. I've ALWAYS had a resolution. Today though, I realized that maybe it is okay for me not to. Maybe that means I am finally at a point in my life where I am more than content, I'm happy, with how I live. I've always had things to tell God I want to change in my life. I've always had aspects about my faith, school, friends, relationships that I wish I could change and I thought I had to wait until the New Year to do something about them. Why wait until January 1st to do so? I think I realized that this past year and have reached a new kind of happiness. It is a confident happy, one that I know I am happy because of the hard work I've put into each aspect of my life and I'm not waiting for someone or something else to determine my happiness. For a long time my attitude and my happiness was determined by comparing my life to others. This year, I found joy in looking past comparison and actually serving others, and looking inward and seeing worth in what I have accomplished without comparing it to anything. 

So this year I may not have a resolution, but that is okay. I like to think of it maybe as a New Year's Continuation. I want to keep going with what I discovered this past year and maybe in April or September I come up with a resolution that I know I can start right then and there and not wait until 2014. 

The spirit of one has an impact on many

 Today's post concerns the passing of a Kirkwood High School alumnus, one year younger than me. I write that and I am immediately taken back. The fact that someone younger than me could be taken away from this earth. I write that and I think of all the things she could have become, or done. I write that and I think about all the things I still want to become and do, but have so ignorantly put on the backburner, thinking I still have time. 

The loss of a Kirkwood alum, one who I personally did not know, has had an impact on the community as a whole. It reaches to people like me, that didn't know her, and it reaches to her closest friends. Her family is mourning, but the community is reaching out to them. I, along with many others have struggled with the loss of someone close in the past. It hurts. A lot. It's not easy to comprehend at first, and it may never be so. I think a lot of people, myself included, when going through this kind of surreal happening tend to think, "How could this happen?" or  "Why did this happen?"

Emily was taken from this earth far too early, in the heart of those who knew her. She had plans, I'm sure. For people who don't believe in Christ, it may be easy to say, "If He is so great, why did He let this happen?" That's a tough one. I have asked that before. The answer? Well, maybe He didn't mean to. In the absence of God, things happen. Another possible explanation? Maybe God's plan and her plan were different. It's hard to comprehend. I struggled with that idea in the past because of the loss of a friend but maybe, just maybe, the loved one that we lost already did what was on God's to-do list for them. I know for a fact Emily made tons of people smile. She inspired others. She loved others. I know Emily touched a lot of hearts, heck, she touched mine and I never met her. Maybe that was what God wanted her to do. She has a lasting impact, just a day after her passing. 

When I was 12 or so I lost a best friend who was just a year older than me. I struggled for a long time why God would take her away from me, from her family. She was supposed to become a teacher with me, she was supposed to ice skate, she was supposed to be something. Anything. Then someone told me something I will never forget. Sometimes, God puts people on this earth, just to make others smile. We think that she was supposed to do something. We think our knowledge is better than that of God's. Why? Because it is easier to place blame from a horrible event, than to accept the lesson He is busy teaching us. As hard as it still is for me to accept the loss of my friend Rachel, 8 years later, I now know that all of those things she was supposed to become were in my head. God intended for her spirit to make me smile, and that is just what she did. 

Not only did Rachel's and Emily's life have an impact on so many, but their death did too. By donating her organs, Rachel's family saved the life of three others. She taught me how to be grateful for what I have. So far, by Emily's passing, people have learned the importance of driving safe, as well as cherishing every single moment. We have to remember that God does have a plan for us, one that may differ completely from what we have in mind. We have to remember not to hold back in life just because it may not be comfortable, He didn't promise comfort. 

So my encouragement to everyone reading this is to tell people you love them. Forgive those who need it. Apologize to the people you have hurt intentionally, or unintentionally. It isn't worth holding a grudge. Thank everyone around you for being there. Smile. Live. 

God is present. Always.

A couple months ago I wrote here about my experience in Ghana influencing my faith. I wrote about the Adinkra symbols I saw in Ghana, specifically Nyame Dua, or the presence of God. I also mentioned the idea that I might get a tattoo of this symbol near my ankle, and well, I did it. I got the tattoo that I have been praying about and considering for a while. I couldn't be happier.

Before I got the tattoo I had a long breakfast with my old Young Life leader and good friend Jamie. It came up that I was going to be getting the tattoo while I was home for Thanksgiving break and she offered some really great advice. She, having a tattoo herself, was of course excited for me. Her tattoo is a beautiful piece done with I believe Lilies, and a pink breast cancer ribbon to honor the passing of her father and mother (Jamie if I am mistaken, please let me know!). I was telling her about how I landed on a symbol from Ghana and how once I got the respect from my parents I started praying and asking God for signs that this was the right thing for me to do. At a certain point I figured out that I was stressing out over not seeing these positive signs. I didn't see anything with God saying, "go ahead, do it." and was starting to get irritated. Finally I realized, I was busy searching for all these affirmative signs when all I needed to see was that God wasn't sending any NEGATIVE signs. He hadn't sent out any "No! Don't do it!" I voiced this observation with Jamie and she said something great. Sometimes God places these desires, ones that we can't always explain, because He wants us to do it. He wants us to be able to decide some things on our "own", without Him making it blatantly obvious. These desires are a good thing. After Jamie explained that I couldn't figure out how to thank her, because she had just put into words what I had been experiencing for 3 years almost. God placed the desire for me to get a tattoo praising His love and His work in my life, I just needed time to realize it.

So I went in to the tattoo shop on the Saturday of break with my roommate and friend, Margaret, and handed over the painting of the symbol I made a couple months ago. He traced it, sized it down, and placed th stencil on my ankle. It all felt right. After getting the placement right and watching ever so clearly to make sure he was pulling out a sterile needle (I am my mother's daughter) he began. I told Margaret she had to talk to me the whole time because I needed a distraction. I didn't complain, but the more it hurt, the quicker I talked and I know Marge picked up on it! 20 minutes later, I had a tattoo.

It was incredible. The feeling that I had after looking down and seeing my tattoo was COMPLETELY different than what I was expecting. I was thinking it was going to be this huge, emotional moment. I thought I was going to feel the weight of God on me...in a good way. I thought I was going to feel this fulfillment. I felt none of those. What did I feel? I felt like that symbol should have been there all along. I felt confirmation that it was the right thing for me to do. This bothered me for a little. I wanted that big moment, where I could just feel God. Or at least I thought I did. Today I realized something. I already had that moment. I already felt that rush of God's grace. I felt that when I accepted Him into my heart at camp a while back. I felt that when I started my walk of faith. Now, luckily, I get to continuously feel God as a part of my soul, a part of my attitude. Not because of this tattoo...it helps, a lot more than I thought it would, but because God is continuously fighting for me. God is continuously present, as He was before I accepted my faith, but I know that now.

The tattoo has already done wonders. As humans, we are in a continuous battle of trying to be self-sufficient, but as Christians letting God in at the same time. The moments, while few, that I have forgotten to think of God since I have gotten the tattoo, all it takes is a glance to my ankle and I am reminded. I remember that while I try and be stand on my own, I need God to do so. I need God in every aspect of my life. I couldn't be happier to know that I have that reminder with me for the rest of my walk of faith. The road is long, and winding. I know I am not alone in saying that I have strayed away from God's plans in the past, and I'm not saying I won't now that I have this tattoo, because well, I'm human. What I am saying is hopefully this tattoo can remind me that I can always return to His plans if I do falter. He will always be with me.


Tattoos create controversy. I am well aware of this. If you are reading this and still have questions about why I got my tattoo, please don't feel weird asking. I got this tattoo knowing that there will be times when it will be opposed, and I will be critiqued for it. With that in mind, I know that there are many other parts of my life that I will be critiqued for, and just as I can't help a lot of those aspects, I now can't help this one. I became a Christian and got this tattoo despite future persecution for either.

Waiting to be someone's Eve

Today's topic is a little awkward for me to talk about, but is one that needs some light shed on it. I know there are people out there like me, that are scared to put it out there, but this whole blog is meant for me to share my faith, unashamedly, so others can maybe learn something or feel that they can relate. So here it goes...

...I'm saving myself for marriage. Growing up and through high school, I guess it was my ignorance to the real world and my involvement in my faith that kept me from the 'norm', but I didn't think it was that abnormal for me to save myself for my future husband. Once I got to college, I learned that close to 80% of people will have had sex by the the time they are 20. In high school, it wasn't a big deal for me, or really anyone around me. But now, the 20 year old virgin seems to be this strange concept on college campuses. I think a lot of it is how relationships seem to speed up in college, and also the fact that people are starting long term relationships that they wouldn't be mature enough to in high school. It also seems that this is the time people can just 'hook up' and feel no guilt walking away. Again, because of my faith, I can't seem to do that.

I understand for people with less strong of faith, or with no faith at all it isn't as big of a deal to hook up with someone, to have sex with someone who isn't their husband or wife. As humans we desire touch, affection, love. That's true. What I have a hard time with is the idea of sharing that affection, that love, with someone who might not love me back. I know God has a great man in mind for me. Just as Eve was made for Adam, "Then the man said, This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man." (Genesis 2:23) I know I am made for a specific man. The hard part is waiting for him to come around. Christians, especially Christian women, have been made fun of a bit on this topic, and I agree...a lot of times its exaggerated. We throw around the sayings "leave room for Jesus", "He doesn't have God in him" and "God put him in my life for a reason" more than non Christians can understand. This site has some funny, exaggerated, 'Christian Girl' sayings, like this one...

...again, funny and exaggerated! 

I think the individual needs to set their limits on what they consider pure. There isn't any line that God has created that shows when pure becomes impure. For me, I don't want to do anything I would be ashamed to tell my future husband. Nothing that I regret sharing with someone who isn't going to be by my side forever. Like I said, it's a personal decision. One that not everyone makes, and that's okay. What I ask, is to be respected for it.

It's hard. When people find out I am as 'innocent' as I am, they seem to get the idea that I don't desire the same thing they do. That I don't want the physical affection and love that comes with a relationship. I do. But what I don't want is to share that with someone I won't remember years down the road. I don't want to do the whole 'one night stand' thing. I'll tell you, it is damn hard to be the confident, 20 year old virgin on a college campus, because of all the stereotypes that come with being 20 year old, college girl.  I am made out to be this strange species, but just as I am unashamed of my love for Christ, I am unashamed of my love for myself, and my future husband.

Sorry if this wasn't a topic you were expecting to read about me. But maybe one day, my future husband will read this blog and appreciate it!

Be a Catalyst for God's love

Have you read Galatians? If you haven't you should. It's one of the shorter books in the Bible and it is jam-packed with encouragement. 

Rumor has it, my great-grandmother, Galata, was named after this book...and I can see why. It is about letting Christ work within you, being a catalyst for Christ's love and letting nothing stop you. Paul writes it, and is talking to the Galatians who seem to be consumed by all the rules, all the holidays of the church and not with what matters-God's love. Paul speaks about what I preach in this blog. It isn't following the laws of Christianity set by the church that shows you have a strong faith, it is your love for Christ and for others. (Galatians 2:15-16) 

I struggle sometimes, feeling like I haven't done everything I can to be a good Christian. I don't always go to church on a weekly basis, I have been known to curse more than I should, I stray off and think that I don't need God in certain aspects of my life. I don't give Him enough credit for all the wonderful things He has done in my life, nor for the people in it. One thing I always do though-declare my love for God. I aim to never be ashamed in a situation that I am a Christian, that I love MY God. I have faith that He is present in all situations, even if I forget to acknowledge that. Why? Because Christ died for me and I am going to try to always lift His name higher than mine. All that I accomplish cannot be done without Christ and I want people in my life to know that.

A few days ago, when I was at a coffee shop reading my Bible (one of my favorite activities) I fell in love with yet another verse. I posted it on my facebook and have been repeating it to myself lately. For those of you who haven't seen my facebook it is Galatians 2:20, "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me." I went to to the trusty dictionary.com to get a definition of crucify. I remember my friend Sydney asking me for a secular definition of it earlier this month and forgot to look it up. Today, I found it. To crucify means: to treat with gross injustice; persecute; torment; torture. Christ endured all of that, for me and for you because of God's will. He didn't have to. He could have decided against claiming He was the son of God, but he didn't because He was sent to save us. 

What I like about this verse is that Paul proclaims he has been crucified. Obviously, he hadn't in the way that Christ had, but his sins have. Paul's spirit has been crucified, in order to make room for Christ to take over. What I love is that Christ has me taken care of. I am filled with Christ, so I should try and live a Christ-like life...it's the least I can do for the Son of God who gave His life for my sins. I aim to let Christ shine through my actions. It's an ongoing struggle, but this verse is a good daily reminder that I can always do more to honor my God. 

It's a meaningful (and wonderful) life

Today I woke up to a bird singing near my window. Now you might think, 'oh how fairytale-like, a girl waking up to birds chirping and the sun shining.' If you have ever had the joy of seeing me what I am like in the morning you know it is far from a fairytale. Needless to say, I did not appreciate the bird's song.

As I was thinking about what to write in today's blog, I couldn't help but think of that bird. And all the other signs this morning. Signs of life. Signs that God has given me another day to live in His creation. It is important to remember though, that living, truly living, in His creation is more than making sure you have a heartbeat. It is living with a purpose, and it is hard to remember sometimes to live with intention.

I've gotten caught up in it. I bet you have too. We go through the motions of life; get up, eat breakfast, go to your respective professions, come home, converse with friends and family about your day, do busy work before going to bed to wake up(hopefully) and do it all over. Somewhere in there God expects us to do more. He expects us to do something with our lives. I pray a lot, and ask a lot of people to pray for me, to live with intention. If I don't have a reason to do something, then why do it? God gave me this wonderful life, full of opportunity, for me to make something of myself and I don't want to waste it.

This made me think of one of my favorite books, along with my favorite teacher from high school. Tuesdays With Morrie is the book, and Mr. Eden is the teacher, he is the teacher for both the newspaper and yearbook. If Mr. Eden taught me anything about myself when I was on staff, it was that what I was doing for the paper(selling advertisements) was important and had a purpose. I think that is why I liked the paper so much, is because it gave me a purpose to do what I was doing, what I love. I love a challenge, and being able to meet a goal. I love feeling like I was a part of something.

At the end of the year, Mr. Eden gives the senior editors a copy of the book, Tuesdays With Morrie, with a little note at the end, a passage of the book highlighted for all of us, and another for the specific recipient. Such a great idea! For me, Eden highlighted the passage, "Remember what I said about finding a meaningful life? I wrote it down, but now I can recite it: Devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning. You notice...there's nothing in there about salary."

If you haven't read the book, you should. If you want to borrow my copy, I'd be more than happy to loan it to you! In short, the book is written by a man who is rich in material wealth,  who goes back to his old college professor who has been diagnosed ALS(Lou Gehrig's disease) and becomes rich in educational and moral wealth through his professor's lessons of hardship. I don't want to tell you any more, because I want you to read the book.

The passage Mr. Eden highlighted for me works so well in every aspect of my life. Morrie, the professor, encourages the author, Mitch, to live with intention, with meaning. To not just go through the motions and gain wealth, but to love others and develop relationships. Morrie, throughout the book encourages Mitch to not focus on material wealth, as so many do and measure their success based on that, but to focus on making his life something he is proud of.

Now, I know that Morrie in this book is not a replacement for God,  but he is really catching onto what God wants for us. He wants us to be devoted to love, to those around us, and to be devoted to purpose.

Every once in a while, I need a reminder to live with intention, but I try so hard to find a purpose in all that I do. I'm getting an education to be useful to my future community of peers. I'm writing this blog to hopefully reach out to people about my faith. I'm learning about different people, different lifestyles, so I'm not ignorant to the world around me. I'm making mistakes to know what I believe is right. Sometimes those mistakes are unintentional on my behalf, maybe not on God's. However, what I do after them should be intentional. I should learn from them.

Deepening Compassion-a healthy religion

If you only have 15 minutes, please watch this video. If you have 20 minutes, watch this video and read what follows!

I have said before and I will say it again, I love my church. It is on Washington University's campus in St. Louis, so it is about a 20 minute drive for me when I am home, but worth much more than that. It is Catholic, yes, but it is homilies like this one that give me chills and put my faith back in the Catholic church that has a reputation for being a bit boring.

Father Gary in this homily talks about good religion versus bad religion; something I have brought up here. One of the comments that Father Gary made at the beginning of the talk that hit home for me was this, "Healthy religion understands we need to listen lived experience of people across world especially those around us. If a religion can't be honestly criticized by its own and others, its not an honest religion and it will not be healthy." The Catholic church isn't ALL good. It has areas that can stand to be critiqued. We need to listen to its people and respond.

I can't help but think of one of my oldest friends Kelsey when listening to this homily. I have known Kelsey since Kindergarten, and have learned many lessons from her. The biggest one; making religion fit me, not trying to fit into religion.

Kelsey and I grew up in the Catholic church, going to a private Catholic school is how we met. While I still go to the Catholic mass, Kels has opted out, but has continued to deepen her relationship with Christ. For a period of time Kelsey, in a way, lost her faith. At least faith in the Catholic church. (Now Kelsey, if you're reading this, correct me if I'm wrong!) It was so difficult for me to see Kelsey lose faith in the Catholic church because I know she felt like she was being shamed. Why? Kelsey had the courage to admit she is gay during high school.

Unfortunately, I think the unhealthy part of religion got to Kelsey. Father Gary says in his homily that an unhealthy religion creates outsiders, and that's the truth. So many times a church seems to create rules and regulations for people to 'belong' but that isn't what Jesus wanted. That isn't what God wants. We hear, or observe so often, unhealthy churches preaching, "You don't sing the right way? You don't pray the right way? You don't name God the right way? You don't love like I love...you don't belong, sorry." But that just isn't right. The church, the Christian religion for that matter, should be about inclusion. It should be about love.

I got to stick around to see Kelsey change her faith yet again, and I am forever grateful to my God for doing so. She realized she can be gay and be loved. Loved by both her physical family and friends, and by her eternal Father. He's not going anywhere just because she is attracted to women. Why would He?

Father Gary made a beautiful point at the end of his homily. He said, "if we are a healthy religion, if any religion is healthy, it's deepening compassion. It's what it's for." I googled a definition of compassion and liked what I found. Wikipedia claims compassion to be "the virtue of empathy for the suffering of others. It is regarded as a fundamental part of human love..." Our religion isn't supposed to shame those that are different. It isn't supposed to create insiders and outsiders. It is supposed to be a "springboard into loving those who are other than us...which is the hallmark of a healthy religion" as Father Gary puts it.

I'm on that train. I'm all about loving people for who they are in the present. I'm all about making them feel a sense of inclusion, a feeling of being welcome. What grounds do I have to tell people that because they 'stray from the norm' that they can't practice my religion, they can't love my God? Who knows if I am the norm?

I urge you again to watch that video. I urge you to try and take into action what Father Gary talks about. Don't let your faith become toxic. Don't let your church make you feel ashamed.

(Love you Kels! Thanks for letting me talk about you!)